For Laughing Out Loud: My Life and Good Times

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You should go through the compilation of hilarious quotes we have for you here. Even if they don't increase your lifespan, they surely will add to its quality. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. Do not argue with an idiot.

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He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. By all means marry.

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If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Age is just a number, totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. I can resist everything except temptation. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. If you are armed with similar quotes which guarantee a hearty laugh, you can add them here in the form of comments. The next time we sit to compile a list, we will make sure that we take a note of your suggestions.

Share This. Funny Senior Quotes. Humor Quotes to Live By. We've got you covered with everything from classic to contemporary titles. Consider this the ultimate comedy booklist with something for everyone. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me?

For Laughing Out Loud: My Life and Good Times

It speaks to any female with family, friends and basic insecurities. She hilariously chronicles her life before fame while managing to throw in some Harry Potter metaphors. It leaves you feeling like, if you had the opportunity to meet her, you guys would totally be best friends and she would GET YOU. A humorist par excellence, he can make Woody Allen appear ham-tongued, Oscar Wilde a drag.

The Hitchhiker's Guide is a delightful exception, being written for anyone who can understand the thrill that might come to a crew of interstellar explorers who discover a mysterious planet, dead for five million years, and then hear on their 'sub etha' radio a ghostly voice, hollow, reedy, insubstantial: 'Greetings to you. This is a recorded announcement, as I'm afraid we're all out at the moment.

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Novak "This book is filled with short stories of the weirdest, most random thoughts you would usually entertain and then immediately dismiss while taking a shower or during a boring commute. Except BJ fleshes them out. In chapter after chapter, in a voice consistently recognizable as her own, Fey simply tells stories of her life: How a nerdy but self-confident half-Greek girl entered theatrical life a wonderful community theater, lots of gay and lesbian friends , what Second City was like "back in the day" cultish, hard, unbelievably fun , how 'Saturday Night Live' works a chemical compound of Harvard grads and Improv people , what it's like to be a woman in comedy harder than you think but not as hard as coal mining or to run your own show or to satirize a vice presidential candidate when she's standing right backstage.

Brosh retold and illustrated funny anecdotes from her childhood, or relatable conflicts from her something existence.

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I loved the blog, and would reread entries when I needed an upper , nearly choking sometimes on my laughter. I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron "This is what we loved about Ephron -- that she always spoke the truth, tackling the biggest, most challenging parts of life with warmth, sharp wit and a touch of whimsy. Nora Ephron made it a little easier to embrace aging in all its complexities, because she always managed to find the punchline.

If you've never read any Moore, and you're looking for a book that will make you both laugh and think, I highly recommend Lamb: the Gospel according to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. A chapter called 'I'm So Proud of You' should be required reading in high schools. Also featured are: haiku about plastic surgery, a chapter by Poehler's mother, a satiric birth plan, a chapter by Seth Meyers, an annotated history of 'Parks and Recreation,' a letter from Hillary Rodham Clinton, sex advice, a truly hilarious list of potential books about divorce and a moving account of an apology. The facetious part comes in the guise of Offerman's obsession with red meat — which he professes to prefer over poultry and fish, not to mention vegetables — and the paramount role it plays along with mustaches and woodworking, to which he is also partial in establishing the virile masculinity of the men who eat it.

Payne "I read Youth in Revolt in high school. It was hilarious because Nick Twisp, the narrator and protagonist, was saying all of the perverted, hyper-sexual things I was thinking at the time, but knew I could not say publicly. Still, I think Youth in Revolt has lasting power. A lot of really bizarre, awful things happened to Nick, but he kind of describes it all nonchalantly, which is really funny.

It is a fun read and refreshing perspective at any time of life. The movie adaptation with Michael Cera is not half bad, but the book reigns supreme. How Not To Date by Judy McGuire "This book isn't a collection of columns, but rather a dating manual arranged by errors, screw-ups, and abominations, including some 'romantic' incidents that may never be washed clean from McGuire's sheets or membranes. It is also a good modern look at what it takes to be a successful sportscaster, even one who will admit he has lived a pretty charmed life.

Beatty writes energetically, providing insight as often as he elicits laughs. Jason has a great way of taking life's small moments, with kids, work, extended family and friends, and calling out the obviously silly and ludicrous things that just happen to all of us. He forces you to take a step back and just smile at it all. Is It Just Me? Her eponymous TV series has won her a bundle of awards and millions of fans.

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But things haven't always gone smoothly for Britain's Comedy Queen. On the contrary: her life has been one long, awkward and rather embarrassing journey. Now Miranda has selflessly chosen to share her wealth of uncomfortable experiences in her new book, Is It Just Me? The Eyre Affair takes that feeling, the moment you lose the sense of yourself and become engrossed in the story, and creates high adventure and wild drama around the porous boundaries between fiction and real life.

It includes what purports to be Mr. Just one character most of the time, no dialogue. It's utterly compelling. During the course of his memoir, Mr. Burroughs writes of being sent to a mental hospital but only as a way of getting out of school and of being sexually initiated by the year-old man who lived in the Finches' barn.

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In fact, most of his act is about food. So it only seems natural he would take some of his best food material and put it into a book. Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis "Remarkable for its relentless skewering of artifice and pretension, Lucky Jim also contains some of the finest comic set pieces in the language. There is the stand it takes against bikini waxes. There is its protest against the pornography and stripping industries. Above all there is its deployment of sweary British slang to remind us, in this era of manufactured outrage, what a truly great rant should look like: rude, energetic and spinning off now and then into jubilant absurdity.

Even her brief rants about everyday nuisances, like people multitasking while on the phone or showing up two hours late to a dinner party, carry a cheerful air.

Stress relief from laughter? It's no joke - Mayo Clinic

Toole's most subversive act is his quiet insistence on teaching you while you're laughing yourself silly. His novel is a little crash course in the Western canon -- classical apologetics buoyed by flatulence and French Quarter abandon. What fans were wondering was whether this humor could translate to the written word.